Father Sez

The Honest Dollar wrote a interesting article on The Parent Trap. She was referring to parents dishing out funds that could have been put to use as the parent’s retirement savings.  

Some Eastern societies have a major sinister twist to this. Payments as dowry when their children get married. In India for example, parents with girls have to save like crazy almost from the day they are born. Not for retirement, not for the child’s future but to give to the groom’s parents and the groom.  This is quite a very sad situation.

Though the Government has very strict rules / laws against the practice of dowry, this practice goes on almost unabated. Many a tear jerker Indian movie’s plot is about the how the hero manages to get his sister married off against all odds, especially financial ones.

You can read a little about this almost dastardly practice here.

A plucky bride made national headlines when she took a brave stand and said “no!” to the incessant demands of her prospective in-laws. This earth shaking event seems to have even reached Oprah’s ears.

An Indian family with 3 or 4 girls is almost financially doomed, unless they are lucky enough to find prospective in laws and grooms who are sincere in fighting this practice of dowry. Or they are part of the Richie Rich.

Some families end up exchanging….we take your son and your daughter and you take our son and daughter. While many Westerners may express shock at such practices, this is just life or fate, or whatever they may call it in India.

I remember my mother telling me that many of the ladies in the village were extremely jealous of her..because she was just delivering boys. (I have 5 brothers and a sister). My late father was a very fervent anti-dowry man. None of us received dowry other than a token amount as per our religious custom. (All my brothers and sister had arranged marriages, except for me. But that may be another story.)

On the other hand, in Ghana it is the reverse. The boys have to pay the girls. Many of my single colleagues would tell me stories about how they could not afford to marry. And the girls’ parents would also prefer to see their girls single rather than to make the logical decision to cut the request for the dowry.

 Free Money Finance also talked about the cost of finding a mate. His article seems more based on the willing person splurging on flowers, dinners and other thingies to woo the intended mate. At least this is by choice.

I am lucky. In Malaysia, the dowry is still a nominal amount. I think when my wife and I got married, I paid her RM77, about USD23 at present rates. Some of the celeberity marriages talk about much larger amounts, but it is largely taken as show.

We have 4 girls, and I thank God that we are not part of the dastardly Indian dowry system.