Father Sez

From and to parents - parental advice to our children on personal financial management and life.
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The power of indirect communications

Monday February 11th, 2008 by fathersez

The purpose of communication has been defined as getting our message to others clearly and unambiguously.

I am not an expert, though, like a great many of us, I have been communicating for a considerable number of years . The experts talk about various processes in communications and how all the barriers should be removed so that the purpose of the communication is achieved.

A very important chain in this link is the “preparedness of the receiver of your communication”.  This is something that we never know for sure. The feedback we receive is a a good indicator of how our communication was received and understood.

How do we better our chances at getting our communication better received and understood?

What about “indirect communications”?

The U of San Francisco talks about indirect communications. My idea of IC is actually more like “lobbying”.  Wikipedia’s definition of lobbying refers to this as all attempts to influence legislators, organised groups etc.

I am talking about the same principle here. The message that we want communicated is sent indirectly through another channel to the intended recipient. The recipient being more receptive of this “new channel” receives the message in a more willing and open manner, gives good feedback and the purpose of the communication is more effectively achieved.

We do this all the time, don’t we?

For example, I pride myself that I have great communications with my wife. We tell each other almost everything about our lives. However, there are somethings that I can convey much more efficiently by telling some of her close confidants to tell her. People like Ungga or her uncle, Che Lek for example.

This is no indication of failure to communicate between me and my wife. My wife is a people person while I am a number person. My idea of great communication is direct to the point. This fails in a number of situations. Ungga and Che Lek on the other hand are also people people, so they know how to convey the same message in a much better manner.

Now you may ask, how did I manage to convey my message to Ungga and Che Lek in the first place. I don’t really know. I can only suspect that this has something to do with the relationship between the receiver and the sender.

This blog is another example. The primary objective of this blog is for me to communicate to my children, especially the two senior girls, the life and pf mistakes I have made and ideas on how these could have been done better. So that my children do not repeat my mistakes.

By using blog posts the need to have both of us mentally and physically prepared at the same time is removed. My girls can read the posts alone or with their friends and whenever they want. 

I think the messages are better delivered this way.

What about you? How often, if at all, do you use indirect communications? 

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5 Comments for “The power of indirect communications”

On February 11, 2008
At 8:28 pm

My mother tends to relay messages between me and people back home. It helps that she’s the message point because I’m not in contact with many of them anymore, but sometimes they want to ask me something or I them.

by Azrina
On February 12, 2008
At 11:12 am

This form of indirect communication is something that I have yet to properly master. Sometimes when I can’t find any better indirect way to convey a difficult message, I simply use the subconscious mind as a channel. Whether or not it works has to be experienced by the individual alone.

Letter writing sometimes helps too as the written words are often thought of as less harsh than the spoken (my personal opinion).

by fathersez
On February 12, 2008
At 1:51 pm

Hi, Rina.

Thanks for dropping by. My wife is also a firm believer of communication by using our mind as a “transporter of thoughts”.

And of course letter writing!

My blog is an extended letter to my children..

by Ottayan
On February 12, 2008
At 5:56 pm

I use indirect communications. Not in the way of using another person or media, but by recounting my experience or by telling my daughter stories.

It pushes my daughter to think and make her own decisions.

As for my wife, she always complains that I speak through the corner of my mouth. :)

by Rina
On February 13, 2008
At 4:16 am

Ottayan, speaking through the corner of your mouth?! hehehe..don’t mind me, but I find that hilarious! Actually, I find myself doing that sometimes too. But that’s like speaking not to be understood but just letting off steam right?

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